Jun 7 2014

Two days later

Rosemary

I feel pretty good, actually.

At this point, I only feel any actual pain when I lift my right arm, or use it for something involving carrying weight.  And I seem to have a bit of a rash on my chest  from the surgical tape, which is something that sometimes happens to me.

It’s hard right now for me to tell how much tissue was removed, because there’s  a certain amount of swelling in the general area, after the surgery.  But I can tell this: not a whole lot.   I’ll probably end up with a dent or divot of some sort, but right now the only visible sign of surgery is the great big incision.   I’ll get the official word on what was what and what it means next week, but it’s clear to see that what was removed was nowhere near as much as I expected.

Also: only one lymph node was removed, under my arm, and that’s great news.   And that’s actually where most of my pain comes from.

And the dreaded needle localization, performed via x-rays this time instead of MRI, was no problem whatsoever!  Other than the usual bizzarro Egyptian-hieroglyph postures that accompany every mammogram.  Those are always at least perplexing.

After the needle loc, they set me up for a sentinel node biopsy, which is a very clever procedure indeed.  What they do is inject a brightly-colored radioactive dye into the tumor area (that was actually pretty painful, but was over quickly), wait a bit, and take some x-rays.  The dye heads over to the lymph nodes that drain the area of the tumor, which then show up clearly on the images.  So, what the surgeon does later is remove the first lymph node in line (the “sentinel”), and quickly send that out to be tested, while-u-wait.   If there’s any cancer in that lymph node, then they know they have to remove a bunch of nodes, all along the area; but if not, then no more lymph nodes are removed.

And I clearly do remember, later, being told that the sentinel node had zero cancer.   So nice to hear.  Thus: only one lymph node removed.

They didn’t use general anesthesia, just a deep version of local, plus a sedative.  I remember them wheeling me out of the prep room, and I think I remember arriving in the operating room.  I’m pretty sure the usual words were exchanged (where they ask you to describe the procedure you’re about to undergo, so everyone’s on the same page), but I can’t clearly recall it.   And then they applied their drugs, and I slept, and it was all sentinel node biopsy, and the lumpectomy, while I was in la-la land.

I don’t recall arriving back in prep room post-op.  Sabine tells me that my first words to her when she saw me were “Piece of cake,” but I’ll have to take her word on that.   But it does sound like something I’d say.

So, right now: well, I don’t feel 100%, that’s sure.  I’m tired, I get exhausted easily and often.  What I do about it: nap.  Works for me.

I took pain pills religiously for two days, then forgot and find I don’t need them.  I might take one at bedtime, to help me sleep.   I’d heard that it’s not uncommon to not need much in the way of pain meds for this type of surgery.

So… all is well.  Now I just have to heal up so that they can start the radiation therapy.

Oh, and at some point I’ll be going back to the dreaded day job… darn it.

Oh, and Welcome to Night Vale’s live show the night before surgery?  Totally worth it!  I’ll tell you more about it later, but now I’m getting worn down.

But I do have to say that what made it possible for me to even consider going to that show was having a place to crash for a while after the train trip in to New York, before the show itself.  For that I thank Ellen Kushner and Delia Sherman, who kindly lent me their guest room for the afternoon.   Lovely and peaceful.  Plus: wifi!

(And by the way:  Ellen and Delia are involved in the Interstitial Arts Foundation, and are currently raising money for Interfictions, the online interstitial arts magazine.  You want to know what “interstitial” means now, don’t you?  Of course you do. Click to check it out.)

I’ll fill you in on the Night Vale details later (for those of you who are interested).  Right now: time for zz’s.

 

 

 


Jun 6 2014

Quick update

Rosemary

Everything went swimmingly!  No surprises, I feel pretty good — just intermittently drowsy from the pain meds.

Like now… Naptime!

No worries, folks.


Jun 2 2014

Wait, what? Postponed AGAIN?

Rosemary

Yes, it’s true.  Surgery is postponed AGAIN.  Dammit!

This time it had nothing to do with me…  there was a mixup between my surgeon’s office and the surgical center.

There were three of us scheduled for surgery today; and three of us were waiting around in in the pre-op area, in various stages of getting ready for our various procedures… and around 7:30 AM the staff  started  looking at each other sidelong, going, “So…where is Dr. L?”

Someone from radiology came by at 8 and spoke to me, saying that even though my needle localization (which would not be done by my oncology surgeon, but another doc) was supposed to be at 8, they wanted to wait until Dr. L himself actually showed up. Because needle loc is no fun, and we don’t want to do it before we really need to.

Which was a good call on her part because:

The surgeon was on vacation.

Apparently, contrary to what everyone else thought, his vacation last week did not end on Friday.  Apparently, it continued into this week too.

I’m not angry, just frustrated.

Everyone was falling all over themselves to apologize, they were all so very sorry… And I know perfectly well how one small miscommunication can have a domino effect, and turn into big misunderstandings all around.  I blame no one!

Mind you, if they had gone ahead with the dreaded needle localization and then found out… yeah, you would have seen me mad.  I bless that person from radiology, who said, “I’m going to wait until I see the whites of his eyes.”

But I wanted this crap to be OVER WITH!  Dammit.  No sleep last night, no food, no water since 5AM.   Angst galore over the needle loc (which I would be awake for!), worry about the results of the sentinel node biopsy before the surgery, worry about the surgery..

All that angst, and then no payoff!  I get do to it all again!

Thursday.  We’re rescheduled for Thursday.

The only bright spot in all of this:

Remember that ticket to Night Vale Wednesday night, that I couldn’t give away?

Yeah.

I’m going to Night Vale.

Ha!

 


Jun 2 2014

You are all so wonderful…

Rosemary

I want to thank all of you for the kind and encouraging comments and notes you’ve sent me, here and on Facebook, and by email.  I can’t reply to each one individually — there are too many!   But your concern and your good wishes mean a lot to me.  It’s amazing to me that so many of you care about me and my work.   Amazing, and heartening, and it helps me be brave.

Thanks again.

 

UPDATE:  Surgery was postponed again!   (see the latest blog post).


Jun 1 2014

Demographics

Rosemary

Three groups:

 

1.  People who read this blog and (I assume) like my work.

2.People living within striking distance of New York City.

3. People who like Night Vale.

There are plenty of people who read this blog AND live in travel distance of New York.  I know many of them!

And lots and lots of people who live within a days travel of New York AND love Welcome to Night Vale.  Both shows that night are sold out.

I’m even aware of some people who read this blog, like my books, AND love Welcome to Night Vale (looking at you, Kate Nepveu!).

But someone who belongs to all three categories?   Apparently, approximately zero.

Oh, and one more hypothetical category, which Sabine suggested :

4. People who just won’t go to a live Night Vale show unless they can go to the show with their pal or significant other.

I call this a “hypothetical” category because Nigth Vale fans tend to be… devoted.   Taking myself as a mid-range example on the scale of Night Vale fandom, I would nevertheless be perfectly happy to attend alone, even if the person sitting next to me turned out be the devil himself.  Or worse… Steve Carlsberg. 

So between those three categories and the hypothetical fourth, it was always a possibility that no one at all would even try to win the tickets.

And that’s what happened!  Alas.

In other news: Big day tomorrow, of course.   At the hospital by 7AM, and probably home by 1PM, all sliced up, stitched up, and drugged up.  I shall sleep.  No, first I’ll eat something (no food after midnight tonight).  Then I’ll sleep.

Catch you on the flip side…

 

 

 


May 30 2014

Two Questions. And a contest. Which also consists of two questions.

Rosemary

The questions:

1.  Do you love Welcome to Night Vale?

2. Can you be in New York City on Wednesday, June 4th, at 7 PM?

Remember how my surgery had to be rescheduled?  Now it’s taking place next week.

Yeah.  I had plans for that week.

My new plans for that week are: Get sliced up by a surgeon Monday, and then spend the rest of the week recovering from it.

My old plans were : Go to New York City with my sister Sabine and attend a live performance Welcome to Night Vale at Town Hall on Wednesday, and then spend the rest of the week gloating about it.

I think you can see that these two plans are mutually exclusive.

What to do? I’m going to have to go with the get-sliced-up scenario.

Meaning… I now have one, exactly one ticket to Night Vale that I can’t use.

Do you want it?

Let’s have a contest!

Here are the rules:   I’ll ask you two trivia questions: one from my books (proving you’re a fan of my work), and one from Night Vale (proving you’re a fan of theirs).   You’ll post your answers in the comment section of this blog (NOT on Facebook! Answers posted on Facebook are ineligible, to simplify counting).

The winner will be selected randomly from all the correct entries.  (Maybe there will only be one correct answer!  Maybe there will be a bunch.  If so, we’ll put the names of those who answered correctly into an appropriate receptacle and draw blindly.)

If you only know the answer to one of the questions, and still want to play, go ahead and post an entry anyway.  Just guess at the answer you don’t know — because it’s possible that no one will get both right, in which case we’ll draw from the people who got only one right.

Deadline for this is 9PM Eastern time on Sunday.    (Why not midnight?  Because I have surgery the next day!  I plan to turn in at a reasonable time.)

IMPORTANT POINTS TO CONSIDER

  • You have to get yourself to New York that evening.  If you can’t do that, please don’t enter.
  • Because this is last-minute, it’s too late to mail you the ticket.  You’ll have to meet Sabine in New York so she can give it to you. (We’ll work out the details by email later.)
  • You won a ticket! Not a date with my sister.  You and she have no further obligations to each other.
  • It’s only one ticket!  Do NOT try to talk Sabine into selling you her ticket for your pal or significant other.  She’s been looking forward to this.

Ready for the questions?  Here they are:

1.  What is the relationship between Ona and Sherrie?

2. What is the relationship between Cecil and Steve Carlsberg?

 

That’s it.   Ready, set… go.

 

UPDATE:  No winners!  In fact, no contestants at all…


May 21 2014

About that biopsy…

Rosemary

When we last saw Our Intrepid Heroine, her surgery was cancelled when MRI images taken just before the needle localization procedure showed up some new, ambiguous areas in the same breast.  An attempt to biopsy the new areas then and there was foiled when OIH “vagalled out” (as the nurses later referred to the vasovagal reaction).   This due to the bizzare, uncomfortable, physically squeezed and painful nature of the set-up.

The biopsy was set for another day, when they would drug Our Intrepid Etc. into blissful indifference, in the hopes that she just wouldn’t mind or notice or be bothered by all of that.  But — oops.  Nope, vasovagal comes to visit again.  No biopsy that day either.

So now…

They decided to do a biopsy NOT in that horrible squashed position in the MRI, but just using ultrasound.  Lying on my back, instead of my stomach.  And able to move any part of my body I liked except, you know, the thing they were going to jab.

They planned on doping me up again (having apparently put me into the category of people who react badly to medical procedures), but figured I’d be fine, since I had a biopsy before under exactly those circumstances, when I was first diagnosed back in December.  I had NO problem then.  So at my request, we skipped the intravenous meds.   (The med nurse did put an IV line with saline, just to have a line in place, just in case I turned out to be wrong.)  And that’s how we proceeded.

And the ultrasound tech plied her ultrasound wand, and…

Slight problem: They couldn’t locate the new areas in question.

There was nothing there.   Nothing showed up at that location, on the ultrasound.

This was always a possibility, as MRI’s are much more sensitive than ultrasound.  Sometimes too sensitive.  Sometimes causing the radiologist to flag as odd something that’s hardly there at all.

But now the biopsy doc had a quandry: what do we biopsy?

She put in a call to my surgeon, while I chatted with the ultrasound tech and the meds nurse.

The biopsy doc came back after a bit, saying that my surgeon suggested that we biopsy what remained of the original tumor — and also put in new clip at that location.   (The clip is a little metal marker that shows up nicely on x-rays, which helps identify a tumor’s location clearly; I had already had one put in during the first biopsy back in December.)  The difference in the location of the first clip and the new clip would supply some information on the size of what would be removed.

And that’s what we did.  And I handled it fine.  Piece of cake.  No problems.

Of course, with that done,  I now had no idea what the game plan would be…  I had an appointment with the surgeon for Wednesday (today), by which time my surgeon would have the results of the biopsy.

And until that time, Sabine and I were just in limbo.  What was happening?  We didn’t know.  What were we going to be doing?  No idea.  Whole constellations of possibilities arranged themselves for our perusal, and many scenarios were played out in our heads.

And today, when the surgeon walked into the exam room, he had this in his hand:

 

Yes, that's what it says.

Yes, that’s what it says.

 

The critical phrase here, in case you missed it is:

“No evidence of malignancy.”

This is the original tumor being biopsied.

Or, what they believe is the original tumor.   Since the chemo first shrunk it down to a third of its initial size, and then went on shrinking it down until they could no longer refer to it as a “mass” and then called just it an “area of enhancement” with a “small focus of nodular enhancement”.  Which was about 3×3 millimeters.  Which was all that was left of the tumor.  And that bit is what we biopsied.   Which now has no evidence of malignancy.

So…

Well, yeah… we did it.  We carpet-bombed that sucker to Kingdom Come.

I can’t actually say I have no cancer, because there might be  — I don’t know, say, three cancer cells just to the left of what that biopsy needle grabbed.   But you know, really, effectively, in essence — we won.

I’m pretty stunned.  So is Sabine.

We got some champagne.  Drank the whole bottle.

 

The good stuff.

The good stuff.

What next?

Well, we still need to do the surgery; a lumpectomy to get rid of the debris, so to speak.  That will happen the first week in June.  And we’ll test what gets excised, to see if there was any cancer at all left in there.

And then radiation therapy, because that should knock out any bits that might be floating around in my system.

Of course, surgery’s no fun, and radiation’s no fun.   But I’m perfectly happy to go through it all.

Because, this is all clean-up.  Basically, we won.

I want some more champagne!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


May 14 2014

A glowing endorsement from Chad Orzel

Rosemary

So, there I was, perusing my morning blog feed, when was greeted with:

“One of the very best treatments of the scientific method in fiction that I’ve read– I suspect it may be the best, but years on the Internet make me want to hedge everything– is the Steerswoman series by Rosemary Kirstein...”

Chad Orzel is a physicist, an associate professor at Union College in Schenectady NY, an author of popular books on physics (How to Teach Physics to Your Dog and How to Teach Relativity to Your Dog), and a blogger over at Science Blogs.

You should read the rest of his post; I couldn’t ask for a better recommendation!

I follow Chad’s blog — it’s a nice mix of crunchy science, academic life, observations on the world in general, books, and family plus Emmy the dog.  I run into him fairly often at conventions.  I love it when I can get a chance to chat with him and wife, Kate Nepveu.

(Yes, that Kate Nepveu.  You know:  lawyer, active in the SF community, writes for Tor.com, runs the whole Con or Bust phenomenon, has her own blog — that Kate Nepveu.)

This is a great signal boost from someone I admire –  and I am (as the Brits say) chuffed!

 


May 13 2014

Foiled again.

Rosemary

Short version: no biopsy after all.

They had me in exactly the same position in the MRI as I was for the attempt at needle localization on Friday.   And I was fine for a while, exactly as before.  And then, exactly the same thing happened: pain, then dizziness, faintness, sweats, blood pressure drop — otherwise known as a vasovagal response. They had to call a halt to everything and pull me out — AGAIN.

All this despite having intravenous drugs this time: one to calm me down, and another to block pain, and another to stop nausea (that’s Versed, Fentanyl, and Zofran).   I was awake, but just sort of happily drifting along in my thoughts, except for when the nurse in charge of the meds spoke to me to check on my state.  Then, rather suddenly, I wasn’t feeling so hot, I had a bad cramp in one arm, and the whole thing went south fast.

I am SO frustrated!

So I’ll be talking to my surgeon and oncologist tomorrow, and we’ll decide what to do next.   I figure they’ll just have to knock me completely out to get this done.   Or at least do the sort of “twilight sleep” they did when I had carpal tunnel release surgery, and when they installed my chemo port.

So very, VERY frustrated.

I want this over and done, so I can get the right surgery, and put it all behind me!

Dammit.

More later.


May 13 2014

And Mr. Nicoll’s review of The Language of Power…

Rosemary

It’s here, on his LiveJournal site, with some comments already.

Also on his Dreamwidth site.

I’m really quite grateful for the signal boost!

By the way, if any of you know of other current reviews of my books, please do let me know, so  I can share the info here.  Thanks.